Human Relations
Just a general observation of human relationship. I've noticed of how much we wanted to share our life with each other. One way that people (especially in churches) usually do is to hide their "un-holy" personality from the people around them. Even in the fellowship that i am in, that is a normal matter, and i'm pretty sure it is too in any other fellowship group. There will always be people unwilling to share themselves as a whole to the group. The question is, DOES IT MATTER?
To make this argument valid, we must first look objectively at some reasons why people are reluctant to share themselves with others:
1- they are afraid that other people might find out that they are not perfect
2- they are afraid that their life might not be interesting enough for others
3- it's just not important to share
4- they don't know each other well enough to share
5- it's rude to share or barge into other people's personal life
6- they think sharing too much is wrong and unhealthy
7- it's just wrong to share personal life
8- no one cares
9- they did once but got a negative or hurtful comment for doing it
10- people misused the information they share
now that's just some general observation from within myself and the people around me. Let's look into those reasoning a bit deeper shall we, before we do that why don't we put those 10 reasons into smaller groups
1. personal fear -1, 2, 4, 6, 7
2. negative respond - 9, 10
3. culture - 5, 8
4. selfishness- 3
1. Personal fear
I would say, this is the one that I am struggling with the most. I admit that even when I am about to give a PRESENT to a friend, i would think about it a thousand times because I'm afraid that they won't appreciate it, or just think that my gift for them is just a waste of space. Pathetic i know, but personal fear is something like that. Thinking that what we do will never be good enough for others.
Can you see anything wrong with that? I can see LOADS of things that are wrong with that remark that i often tell myself, which was, what was my motive in the first place? Am i doing this for myself or for God? Who do i truly live for?
I remember my trainer told me once that if i do it for God and to glorify Him and to please Him, whether people will accept and appreciate what we do or not, is not for us to care. God does not look at how successful we in our task, He looks at our heart and motivation when we are doing it. So sharing our lives with fellow believers should be something that we do regularly because it's pleasing to God when His church acts like a family and support each other and enjoy each other's company. God is pleased when we are one and close to each other, when we share each other's burden, encourage and rebuke each other.
2. Negative Respond
This too happens many times, when we share our life with someone we don't know very well and even to those we know very well. All humans are failure, no one is perfect, and if anyone would think otherwise, then they would be lying. In our life, i know for sure there are times where people had or will disappoint and hurt us; it's our nature to be selfish and to be insensitive towards everyone except ourselves. But how do we deal from disappointment from those outside of us.
Disappointment can only mean two things, that it's true or false. True disappointment is when someone purposely try to hurt you and what they say is untrue and mean. False disappointment is when the respond that you get from other people is not as you expected and you are disappointed because in the end YOU are not glorified, it's a disappointment that comes out of pride. Often with false disappointment, it can lead us to deeper sin and further away from God.
How do we deal with disappointments? Easy, ask God to give us the wisdom to discern negative respond. Because often negative respond is a respond from a truly negative thing, not because of other people's malice. Ask God to give us the strength to change and to be able to learn from any feedbacks and criticism.
3. culture
Culture says that its rude to ask for someone else's personal life. "Kepo" (is the indo/singaporean word for it) which means... something like curiosity which often is related with busybodies' unhealthy curiosity. But is it truly rude to be concern about each other? To love each other so much that we would like to be able to share our lives honestly and fully with each other, and to rely on each other as one body in Christ? Is it so wrong for a sister to ask another sister about what struggles she is having at the moment?
As far as i know, culture brings more confusion, illogical reasoning and more lies than ever before. So (as my minister said) "if you believe in that then you will believe in ANYTHING!"
4. Selfishness
I once heard of a sermon about gossiping. We girls by nature likes to talk. But often, when we run out for things to talk about we are reluctant to share things that are deeper and more personal. We could almost say that we like having "on-the-surface" conversation, conversations that require little thinking and effort. Many are too reluctant to share their life with one another that they share OTHER PEOPLE'S LIFE instead of theirs, just so that they can get away with it.
What does this have to do with selfishness? Well, in a way, not wanting to share our lives with others is selfish. Just like those artists who always seems to donate all their fortune to the poor people in Africa, but unwilling to try to get to know the people that they are helping, who they are and what they are like.
It's selfish because we only want to have the relationship in our own terms, as long as i am happy and satisfied with the friendship, it doesn't need to go anymore deeper. IT's selfish because it's like saying that you don't care! the command about "love your neighbor as you love yourselves" is no longer applicable. When we are unwilling to share our lives with each other means we do not love them.
So where in the Bible does it say that we should share our lives with each other? Have you ever read Acts - oh wait, Acts is a silly example, have you ever read the BIBLE? or just think about it, the benefits of sharing our lives with each other:
1. We can no longer be afraid of failing for that we know that there's help
2. We no longer have to hide the facts that we are weak and not perfect
3. We can honestly and lovingly rebuke each other objectively, and look at each other in full, not just with our own perspective.
4. We no longer have to worry about hiding our faults anymore, then we can effectively help build each other up for we know full well each other's strength and weaknesses. Our ministry then can go effectively as well
So when you ask, does deepening our relationship with each other matters? Ask yourselves, do you think God matters TO YOU? Christ died for EVERYONE not just for you. Christianity is a collective thing,it's a community, one body, ever since the beginning of the world, God made adam and eve because He knows that we are a social being. Even God is made up in three, because He does not work alone, He also works in the people that He chooses. Everywhere we see that God does not like to do things all by Himself. If God the ALMIGHTY GOD wants to have relationships happening, why don't we? The only thing that a relationship can happen is when we share our lives with each other is it not?
So anyway... That's just some of the things that i observed lately.
To make this argument valid, we must first look objectively at some reasons why people are reluctant to share themselves with others:
1- they are afraid that other people might find out that they are not perfect
2- they are afraid that their life might not be interesting enough for others
3- it's just not important to share
4- they don't know each other well enough to share
5- it's rude to share or barge into other people's personal life
6- they think sharing too much is wrong and unhealthy
7- it's just wrong to share personal life
8- no one cares
9- they did once but got a negative or hurtful comment for doing it
10- people misused the information they share
now that's just some general observation from within myself and the people around me. Let's look into those reasoning a bit deeper shall we, before we do that why don't we put those 10 reasons into smaller groups
1. personal fear -1, 2, 4, 6, 7
2. negative respond - 9, 10
3. culture - 5, 8
4. selfishness- 3
1. Personal fear
I would say, this is the one that I am struggling with the most. I admit that even when I am about to give a PRESENT to a friend, i would think about it a thousand times because I'm afraid that they won't appreciate it, or just think that my gift for them is just a waste of space. Pathetic i know, but personal fear is something like that. Thinking that what we do will never be good enough for others.
Can you see anything wrong with that? I can see LOADS of things that are wrong with that remark that i often tell myself, which was, what was my motive in the first place? Am i doing this for myself or for God? Who do i truly live for?
I remember my trainer told me once that if i do it for God and to glorify Him and to please Him, whether people will accept and appreciate what we do or not, is not for us to care. God does not look at how successful we in our task, He looks at our heart and motivation when we are doing it. So sharing our lives with fellow believers should be something that we do regularly because it's pleasing to God when His church acts like a family and support each other and enjoy each other's company. God is pleased when we are one and close to each other, when we share each other's burden, encourage and rebuke each other.
2. Negative Respond
This too happens many times, when we share our life with someone we don't know very well and even to those we know very well. All humans are failure, no one is perfect, and if anyone would think otherwise, then they would be lying. In our life, i know for sure there are times where people had or will disappoint and hurt us; it's our nature to be selfish and to be insensitive towards everyone except ourselves. But how do we deal from disappointment from those outside of us.
Disappointment can only mean two things, that it's true or false. True disappointment is when someone purposely try to hurt you and what they say is untrue and mean. False disappointment is when the respond that you get from other people is not as you expected and you are disappointed because in the end YOU are not glorified, it's a disappointment that comes out of pride. Often with false disappointment, it can lead us to deeper sin and further away from God.
How do we deal with disappointments? Easy, ask God to give us the wisdom to discern negative respond. Because often negative respond is a respond from a truly negative thing, not because of other people's malice. Ask God to give us the strength to change and to be able to learn from any feedbacks and criticism.
3. culture
Culture says that its rude to ask for someone else's personal life. "Kepo" (is the indo/singaporean word for it) which means... something like curiosity which often is related with busybodies' unhealthy curiosity. But is it truly rude to be concern about each other? To love each other so much that we would like to be able to share our lives honestly and fully with each other, and to rely on each other as one body in Christ? Is it so wrong for a sister to ask another sister about what struggles she is having at the moment?
As far as i know, culture brings more confusion, illogical reasoning and more lies than ever before. So (as my minister said) "if you believe in that then you will believe in ANYTHING!"
4. Selfishness
I once heard of a sermon about gossiping. We girls by nature likes to talk. But often, when we run out for things to talk about we are reluctant to share things that are deeper and more personal. We could almost say that we like having "on-the-surface" conversation, conversations that require little thinking and effort. Many are too reluctant to share their life with one another that they share OTHER PEOPLE'S LIFE instead of theirs, just so that they can get away with it.
What does this have to do with selfishness? Well, in a way, not wanting to share our lives with others is selfish. Just like those artists who always seems to donate all their fortune to the poor people in Africa, but unwilling to try to get to know the people that they are helping, who they are and what they are like.
It's selfish because we only want to have the relationship in our own terms, as long as i am happy and satisfied with the friendship, it doesn't need to go anymore deeper. IT's selfish because it's like saying that you don't care! the command about "love your neighbor as you love yourselves" is no longer applicable. When we are unwilling to share our lives with each other means we do not love them.
So where in the Bible does it say that we should share our lives with each other? Have you ever read Acts - oh wait, Acts is a silly example, have you ever read the BIBLE? or just think about it, the benefits of sharing our lives with each other:
1. We can no longer be afraid of failing for that we know that there's help
2. We no longer have to hide the facts that we are weak and not perfect
3. We can honestly and lovingly rebuke each other objectively, and look at each other in full, not just with our own perspective.
4. We no longer have to worry about hiding our faults anymore, then we can effectively help build each other up for we know full well each other's strength and weaknesses. Our ministry then can go effectively as well
So when you ask, does deepening our relationship with each other matters? Ask yourselves, do you think God matters TO YOU? Christ died for EVERYONE not just for you. Christianity is a collective thing,it's a community, one body, ever since the beginning of the world, God made adam and eve because He knows that we are a social being. Even God is made up in three, because He does not work alone, He also works in the people that He chooses. Everywhere we see that God does not like to do things all by Himself. If God the ALMIGHTY GOD wants to have relationships happening, why don't we? The only thing that a relationship can happen is when we share our lives with each other is it not?
So anyway... That's just some of the things that i observed lately.
Comments