Why should I?

Why should I be angry, bitter and discouraged if ministry is not as i think it should be? When the another person told me that they want to miss bible study that day. When people in youth group is not as passionate about God and His people. When people are not involved in any ministry that the Church provides. When people are not giving as much effort and time and energy to the ministry that they are involved in. When ministry puts so much strain on the people.When people are strained by the ministry.When people are NOT responding to the love that we are "Trying" to give them.

Why should i be angry, bitter and discouraged by all of these things? Why? Why did i do ministry in the first place? Why did i do all these things to begin with?

You know.. when you've been in ministry too long - you began to think that the ministry almost depended on you and what you do. You think that when ppl are not pumped and everything are going wrong- it's your fault, or you're not doing something right. When things are going right and successful you praise yourself for all the things you've done, your contribution, your talent, YOU YOU YOU. Everything revolvees around you.

Yeah, the lies that satan tells everyone in ministry ALL THE TIME. Even now, i know that i'm being tempted to be angry because 2 of my members are not feeling well and they're not coming - (i know... silly right? what a silly and mean thing to be angry about! but i can't help to be tempted in it!! WHY??!?!!!?)

Somehow i was reminded of this song: His eyes is on the sparrow, it says:

why should I feel discouraged
and why should the shadows come
why should my heart feel lonely
and long for heaven and home

when Jesus is my portion
a constant friend is He
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He watches over me
His eye is on the sparrow
and I know He watches over me

I know that i was discouraged and dissapointed because of my own sinfulness, and I praise God for reminding me. The Holy Spirit for revealing me the sins that are hidden inside - and the ability to acknowledge it that i may repent. Thank You God.

And also the next time ministry is not going MY WAY I should be GLAD and REJOICE for God is teaching me and reminding me that this is HIS ministry not mine.