Will there ever be...

Will there ever be a time when we can be completely understood.

This is just me rumbling but lately I've noticed how hard it is to speak publically clearly. no matter how much i've prepared myself and convicted that my message is right.. when it comes to presenting it.. it turns out to be a mess!!

but this is a lesson that i need to learn. I am not saying or trying to excuse myself for being unclear and seemingly unprepared. I think there are a lot of things that i can do to improve my public speaking skills... it's just atm i can't bring myself to do it ahahahaha...

but i do think that it is weird - some people can just do an impromptu and do a really2 good and smooth job at it - but i prepared all i could and wrote my materials with all my might - still things turns out to be like so... humhum... whyyyyyy?!?!?! i don't understand..

the only excuse that i kept on telling myself at this moment is that i need more practice. but is that really it? practice? i don't know and maybe i don't want to accept that practice is all there is to this ... (i'm learning to be honest with myself and analyse myself objectively)

plus when i think about it again - those ppl who are good at public speaking must've spent so many hours practising and speaking publically - so i can't complain (especially if this problem is due to my own laziness)

but the weirdest thing is.. eventho all my "performance" had been a mess and if i could honestly say - they proved how useless i am... but i can see that God is using it for His own glory - I can see people growing (maybe not thru what i said) but somehow.. i can see that people (my SS students especially) they remembered and they are thinking hard about what the Word says... REally one of these days i;m just going to preach a book of the Bible straight - without adding anything to it. I can see how powerful it is!! and how effective it is in rebuking, encouraging and teaching His body. So weird...

In this case, i'm really grateful. I praise Him that He can use my weaknesses so that He would shine all the more.

anyway, if you're wondering why i'm writing this post - don't ask - cos i myself don't know the answer.. this is just me blabbering about my current confusion with myself ahahhaa... i do pray that i will somehow manage to understand all of these soon...