The Scariest thing...

After thinking a lot about me and the way i react to different things.. I've realised one thing that is quite obvious and should be realised from a long2 time ago, and that is..... I'm scared when ppl found out about my bad qualities... OHOHOHOHOHO

Few things that is wrong about this concept are:

1. There is NOTHING i can do to hide my bad qualities in the first place - maybe it's just me or everyone else is the same - but i'm really2 bad at lying or hiding my feelings - so most of the time ppl know who i have a crush on because i'm THAT obvious

2. Bad qualities are something that almost everyone have (except for Jesus for that He is perfect). Why should i be embarrased of it? Rather is should be bold when i'm doing it so that i might stand corrected by those who sees it. It's better to be rebuked out of sin rather than to hide in sin.

3. Bad qualities might be just what i need to be humble. Think about it - it i know that i'm so good and perfect - would i still cling to Jesus as my saviour and LORD? My bad qualities and sin is the very thing that keeps me away from turning away from Him. Everytime the Spirit rebuked me of my faults - either thru others or Him speaking through His word - i repented - i am reminded of how useless and worthless really am without God - i am reminded that i need to depend on Him - for that all other things that i cling to or depend on beside Him is useless and can only make me fall further and more painful than what i'm already experiencing. 

4. Trying to hide my bad qualities has prevented me to do ministry to the fullest. Because i was so scared that other ppl would find out about these qualities, i would stop communicating or even try to minister to anyone so that this "pandora box" would stay hidden. But when i think about this... it's quite STUPID of me to do this... because by doing so.. i would only be adding more demons into the box wouldn't i? 

5. Bad qualities and imperfections are a sign that we are still living in this sinful world. Think about Romans 7 when Paul wrote that very frustrating section about his struggle with sin. What were his feeling when he wrote this? and why? I can so relate this to my current situation - even though the topic that i am discussing at the moment is regarding "bad qualities" it is ultimately the sin that i do when other ppl are not looking OHOHOHOHO... which reminds me of my next point

6. Ultimately these sins that i do are clear and explicit to God... the ONE THAT I SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT...  why am i so worried when others found out about my sin - when my relationship with God is ultimately severed by this sin ... i should be repenting and begging God to forgive me rather than trying to keep my "cool" image in front of other ppl...aishhh silly2

7. being scared about my "hidden sins" in front of others - showed me the condition of my heart ... if i am right with God i know that nothing can hinder me from anything ... but knowing that i'm so scared even in front of ppl about my bad qualities - shows me clearly that something must be wrong with my relationship with God ... because as i said previously - HE IS THE ONE THAT I SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT - not in a sense that He would be angry at me because of this - but because when i doubt - i am doubting His very unconditional love and mercy and grace for me... 

If i know that He is gracious and merciful to me - i wouldn't be scared even when other ppl are ungracious and unmerciful - because ultimately He is my foundation the source of my strength - MY CREATOR MY GOD who hides me under His wing in the midst of war... 

AMEN