Many been asking me the reason why i wanted to be a full time gospel worker--- i just remembered that i did wrote a testimony once and i found it ... here it is... my rationale for wanting to be a full time gospel worker:
I came from a Christian family. However, being in a Christian family all my life does not necessarily make me a Christian. I didn’t truly get to know about Jesus until I was in year 8 when a friend from my English school, who apparently also went to IPC invited me to remaja. Then in remaja I learned more and more about Jesus in a language that is easier for me to understand. Then little by little I started to understand about the whole meaning of being a Christian. Then not long after that I was baptized.
Ever since I was reborn, I always have this desire to share His gospel, but everytime I tried, many things seems to went wrong, things that I didn’t expect to happen. Then I went to so many down periods and doubts that really taught me about a lot of things. One of them is about being depressed. The thing that made me depressed was not because of chemical reactions but because of this sin that I was doing. This sin went so big that I didn’t realize that it was controlling the way I think, speak and act. Even to the point that I was beginning to think that I was rejected and unloved by God and the people around me. However deep in my heart I know that it’s not that, I know that it’s this particular sin that is making me do this. This sin, is making me doubt God's love for me. However, thankfully, God never left my side, not even once, during this time (nor does He ever leave me any other time). I don’t know what or why or how but during that time God always reminds me to pray everytime this sin is trying to take over me. Even though at that time my “common sense” is telling me that its wrong to pray when you are sinning, but I kept on praying and try not to forget about God.
Long story short, I dealt with the problem with the help of God. And being able to experience that, my desire to serve God had grown even more. That experience had made me want to share God to people who have been in the same situation as me, to people that has been under control of sin for such a long time that they don’t realize that its sin anymore. I guess all unbelievers have a sin that is controlling them now which made them the way they are now.
But then that experience also taught me that even the most evil person have their own reason for being evil. This is because they don’t have God to control their evil desire. And I can tell you this truly, that being evil is lonely, depressing and it have the tendency to oppress someone’s self worth, that makes them think that they are worthless and useless. That’s why I don’t want to sit here and watch people around me dying while I know the cure. So yeah… I pray that every single day that I am or I am not out there, God is teaching me the way.
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