it's not so bad after all....
being a person who is going to Bible college... is actually really2 hard... not because of the outside treatment... but also the inside...
i'm not talking about inside as in the people inside my life, those who are really2 close to me, like my family as such.... i literally am talking about my inside... my brain/heart/logic etc...
i, by nature, is a very2 unforgiving person... even to myself... though i might not look like it (i'm pretty sure i look it though)... i tend to be very2 perfectionist when it comes to the things that i like to do... actually.. its more than perfectionist... its EXTREME!!
i tend to take the weirdest way out, the weirdest and most un-logical answer and choices... i don't know why, but i like to do things that not many people has done before heheheheh...
that is why, for me, going to Bible College is.... a very2 scary thing... i often doubt myself... i ask God many times that this choice is not just based of my weird habit...
another thing why it's hard for me is... i always thought that the people who go to Bible colleges are those who are "perfect"... loved by all, kind, smart, had everything going for them.. but chooses not to indulge themselves in blessings... u know.. holy...
many times, God rebuked me about this... through the people that i shared this with... through the passages that i read in the Bible... and through experiences and observations...
It's really2 easy for me to be God over myself-- thinking that i'm going to Bible college is because of my own choice.. is because of my own will... is because of ME....
but then, it's really2 selfish of me to say that isn't it... to say that i know ME best... to say that my future depends on ME... to say that I have to plan and do my best so that i can get the best out of my future...
my past experiences always taught me otherwise... i had HUNDEREDS of failed plans... failed plans that turned into a successful ones (i never thought , that i could even turned up to be like that!!)
but most of all... God always shown me... how unworthy i am... how small i am... how He holds my future and plans ... and that my future is safe within His hands...
all the failed plans... all the unsuccessful plans... it's wonderful lesson for me, that taught and reassures me that God knows, He cares, He is ALMIGHTY and that He is powerful... and He is more than our hearts and thoughts!!
so yeah.... i don't want to make this an excuse for myself NOT to plan my future and think about what i'm going to do and to do my best in everything... but i want to make this an excuse for myself that i am weak... that my plans WILL most likely go wrong... and that i am not perfect... but God will still forgives and perfected me... and i also know that He discplines those He loves
i'm not talking about inside as in the people inside my life, those who are really2 close to me, like my family as such.... i literally am talking about my inside... my brain/heart/logic etc...
i, by nature, is a very2 unforgiving person... even to myself... though i might not look like it (i'm pretty sure i look it though)... i tend to be very2 perfectionist when it comes to the things that i like to do... actually.. its more than perfectionist... its EXTREME!!
i tend to take the weirdest way out, the weirdest and most un-logical answer and choices... i don't know why, but i like to do things that not many people has done before heheheheh...
that is why, for me, going to Bible College is.... a very2 scary thing... i often doubt myself... i ask God many times that this choice is not just based of my weird habit...
another thing why it's hard for me is... i always thought that the people who go to Bible colleges are those who are "perfect"... loved by all, kind, smart, had everything going for them.. but chooses not to indulge themselves in blessings... u know.. holy...
many times, God rebuked me about this... through the people that i shared this with... through the passages that i read in the Bible... and through experiences and observations...
It's really2 easy for me to be God over myself-- thinking that i'm going to Bible college is because of my own choice.. is because of my own will... is because of ME....
but then, it's really2 selfish of me to say that isn't it... to say that i know ME best... to say that my future depends on ME... to say that I have to plan and do my best so that i can get the best out of my future...
my past experiences always taught me otherwise... i had HUNDEREDS of failed plans... failed plans that turned into a successful ones (i never thought , that i could even turned up to be like that!!)
but most of all... God always shown me... how unworthy i am... how small i am... how He holds my future and plans ... and that my future is safe within His hands...
all the failed plans... all the unsuccessful plans... it's wonderful lesson for me, that taught and reassures me that God knows, He cares, He is ALMIGHTY and that He is powerful... and He is more than our hearts and thoughts!!
so yeah.... i don't want to make this an excuse for myself NOT to plan my future and think about what i'm going to do and to do my best in everything... but i want to make this an excuse for myself that i am weak... that my plans WILL most likely go wrong... and that i am not perfect... but God will still forgives and perfected me... and i also know that He discplines those He loves
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