What do you do? Who do you trust? NO ONE BUT THE LORD

A few interesting issues or challanges came up lately.. regarding the challanges in trust and ministry and life and relationship and everything in general...

Not long ago - a friend said to me: "Lately, i've realised that i would not do anything for others if there is nothing in it for me. But church ministry is different - i don't mind doing it" (roughly this is what that person said). And this gets me thinking - that statement was like sharp knife to me. I cannot fully explain what was happening in my mind when i heard that but several things were happening inside my brain:

1. do i think like that? Am i like that? I know that i'm like that but i truly2 don't want to be like that in my ministry - God forgive me if i am like that

2. I've never thought that a person would actually announced that and be proud of it and so unrepentant of it even after knowing what God has done in his/her life

3. What did God feel when His children thinks this way?

4. What should i do?!!?!?! I truly don't know what to do with this information

5. I should challenge this person's way of thinking - but how? How can i if i am doing it myself?

I really2 cannot swallow that statement like i used to. If i were who i am a few years ago - i might think it normal for Christians to have this self-preserving qualities. But knowing what i know now about myself and God - i cannot make my heart and my lips say that it is a normal thing for a Christian to do and to be. I cannot. 

I am angered, frustrated, sad and greatly depressed when i heard that. I can't explain why - but i was thinking about it all night - about the implication of all of this. About everything - how can this fit into my ministry and my relationship with others.

I know very well that humans (who are not regenerate and saved) do think like this. But a FELLOW BROTHER!! Everything that this brother told me before is a great testimony of how wonderful and gracious God has been in his life - but how can he say this now?

I truly don't know what to do with this fact. I cannot comprehend.

But one thing God has taught me through the seminar at college last tuesday was - sometimes in ministry all you can do is surrender the person that you are ministering to - to God and trust that He will do everything that is best for that person. If i can do something that can change this person - i must be a god. but i am NOT. God called me to trust in Him and to be a tool willing to be used by Him , in whatever ways He sees fit - and I pray that He would teach me what it means to be willing - to be faithtul - to be a tool for His kingdom.