pride spotted!

I haven't been wirting this thing for such a long time now... I guess part of the reason is that i've been struggling and fighting with myself all these times.  I usually wrote down my fights and my struggle - but i think i'm so caught up with it that i become so selfish and egoistic - too lazy to even fix my struggle and problem. Rather, i immersed myself in these things and clouded my brain with it. 

Anyway, here are some things that i've found out from what i've experieced for these past times (dunno how long). I've just noticed:

1. how silly i've been to think that i've been so "mature" all these times- how? well.. i  thought that being the way i am - is good enough. and being good enough - means that i'm mature enough, i'm loving enough, i'm kind enough - no room for improvement - i'm just ME  and ME is all i want.

Well, i guess making maturity the base of the problem is wrong. It's more like I AM the base of the problem. My sins - my pride, and my pride in my so-called "humility". Yes, though its so annoying and painful to admit it - i thought that i was humble all along.

This is exactly why Proverbs once said:

"Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips"  (proverbs 27:2)

Isn't it funny that proverbs even took the trouble of repeating the same thing all twice in the same sentence. The author of proverb knew very well what it will lead to if one praises onself. the danger - the trap that it will bring. Though it may sounds like a simple sentence - an obvious wise saying - it's so hard and so often we fall into it over and over again. And just take me word for it. 

Being the sinful and depraved being that we are - we do it so naturally and so easily - without even having learned it. how much do we long and desire for acceptance and honour that we often do silly things to get it (even when it takes lying and praising yourself). 

Jesus knew this full well . . He warned us over and over again to be humble. First to be last. Serve one another. Love one another as we love ourselves. Because He knew that the people that He is ministering to has fallen into such trap. They were in the habit of praising themselves and gaining honour from themselves by doing the laws. 

Its funny, that we are such prideful people. I'm sure pride is one character that God has - but only God can handle it - because only He is worthy to have such character. Only He can boast in what He had made because He made it. He begins it and He ends it. He give and takes away. May all Glory be to Him. If we want to be proud - be proud of God and that we are His. Be proud in our weaknesses and His strength. Be proud of Him and His glory and greatness. Be proud that He had been gracious enough to choose one so unworthy and ugly as us. 

2. hypocrity is another thing that i've found out. the reason why i wrote this as my second point is - to emphasise the fact that what i've just said in the first point is NOT the things that i really think about all the time or do. I am such a hypocrite that i found out that i often used what i know only to the benefit of my own. 

I'm such a hypocrite that i know that i am being one too as i am writing this. This is my constant struggle - to say i love and trust God and to truly do as i say. To say that God is able and to truly put my faith in Him. 

I realised of this point after a lot of complaining to my friends. Lately i know, that i haven't been the most optimistic, brightest and cheerfulest person. I've been so negative - pitying myself of my own weaknesses (pity is pride in low form). Complaining and thinking that i'm the most unlucky and cursed person in the world - REGARDLESS of what i tell other people. The "good" encouragement that i said to people. The good things about God and how He already gave us what we need and He loves us just as. REGARDLESS of all these sweet candy lovey dovey stuff i said to other people - i myself thinks the same as the people that i said these to. 

OH HOW PATHETIC I AM

Yes... if by reading this - i could - remind myself and others again of our sinfulness then... PRAISE THE LORD.