Me and my money

I don't think i've ever told this story to anyone before - but here it goes anyway.

My relationship with money - if i have to say in one word is - ignorant. I think when I was working at Maccers before - I never really thought about work - money or possessions in general. I've always thought that my money is mine - and i have the right to do anything i want to do with it. Especially, knowing that my work at maccers were "not easy". There were days where i go home dead tired and emotionally drained because of work. So the money that I got from my work to me is a pay off for those "sufferings" that I've received.

So i was ignorant. I tried as much as i could to avoid the topic of offering - or even think about it. When i stumbled upon the verses that talk about offering - i usually just feel guilty and forget about it right away...

i mean - it is really hard to give up the money you work really hard for. plus - i have to say - that i always thought that the wage that i had was just enough for me - it was always "just" barely made enough (to me at that time anyway) and at the end of the week I always lacked money to store in my savings...

now when i look back - I wonder how i used up so much money in one week?! (wait when i look at my closet - i know what happened to my money - so forget about that question alltogether) - but the real question is - how can i still think that i was lacking even after having all the things that i wanted when i wanted them? I can't think of a time (when i was working) when i had to really stop and wait and think about buying something. I always had the money - and even if i didn't have it that week - i knew that i can still work more and earn it next week. So i was never worried - but yet i was always lacking. And this attitude made it really hard for me to give up 10% of my money to anyone! not just the church!

And two years ago, when i started to go to Bible college - something new happened to me. I had to stop working and start on relying on other people (centerlink and support). Now - not only do I have less money to live with (and no hope of earning more when i want to), I had a wonderful reason to forget about God's command to give offerings

I mean - I was giving my "life" to study His word - isn't that enough for Him? how can God be so ruthless as to ask for the big 10% out of the little money that i have (because i'm doing ministry)? of course God would understand if His "chosen" worker - does not give offering to the church - I mean i was paid by the church... the church give offerings to pay me - why should i give it back? (of course i was stupid when i said and even think about this). Furthermore, there wasn't really anyone who disagreed with me on this point - nor saw my egoistic nature in all of these.

But you know what - our God is a gracious and merciful and patient God. He taught me about my own silliness bit by bit.

I was rebuked by what I said today (yes - to be rebuked by your own words is truly possible). I said to a friend at college - "you know, people on the dole - how can they not give offerings - especially knowing that they didn't do anything to receive that money! most countries don't even have such good government support such as that. People on the dole - regardless of how little money they got - should be MORE thankful and willing to give because of that very fact"

I guess... yeah...

that was my relationship with money - i'm not sure if i'm making any sense whatsoever... but i guess i learned a few things:

1. offerings is not about how much money i have in the bank - whether they are enough to support me or not - it's about where my heart is...

you know humans are amazing creatures - they are capable to surviving in any given conditions if they are forced to. i think i can survive even if i have 10% less in my bank - because to begin with that money is not mine anyway...

but if my heart is set on what i have - just like romeo willing to die for juliet - so will i die for my money or that thing where i placed my heart on

2. if giving 10% of our income to God is hard - how much more harder will it be for us to give up anything else that can't be seen and bought - like time and life to God?

3. withholding what is God's also taught us to be proud. To think that we were worthy to receive what we had (because or our hardwork/intelligence/etc) - but to begin with - who created us? can we create ourselves? Was it up to us that we were born normal and not mentally challenged? Or are they gifts form our merciful and gracious God?

Prayer:

Thank You LORD for being so patient with us. Teach us more and give us the strength and humility to learn and apply it in our life